Saturday, November 8, 2014

C'est tout

I love it when rain comes down and the drops fall on my window. I always love it. I would place my cheek against the cold window pane, only to see the drops clearer. I love it when my windows fog up because I could write your name on it and look out the window through your name. I love it when steam come from my coffee cup because it brings me the aroma that reminds me of you. I still remember your face--that peaceful expression when you took your first sip of your coffee. Your eyes--that gaze when you looked out the window on that rainy afternoon, observing the passersby. Then you looked at me and gave me a smile I could never forget. I remember when we spent our time together, having nice talk over coffee on that rainy Thursday afternoon. You would always come up with interesting topics and oh! How I adore you--when you talked about small details you found around you that I barely noticed. "You've got red eyes" and "those clouds look like Normandie" or "the air smells like peach"; you are always able to see things from many different perspectives.  
London has the best cloudy skyline in the world and I could never hold myself not to look out the window when it rains. My flat has got amazing view of the city and I bet you'd like it. Well I wish you were here. I could just sit on my chair and enjoy London cloudy skyline while listening to some folk tunes for hours. But I hate stormy days and you know it. I'd shut the blinds and just sleep until the storm's gone. Thank God there hasn't been stormy days since the first day I came to London. Oh! How I still remember we used to listen to some folk tunes together, didn't we? Waiting for the rain to stop, we listened to your music and laughed together. You always have nice stories to share.  
Why does the smell of coffee always remind me of you? I wonder if the same thing happens to you. It ain't happen when I drink chocolate or tea, but coffee. Pasta. The smell of pasta! I don't think coffee and pasta would sound like well-combined smell but since you like pasta so much, then the combination doesn't matter to me. Guess what? I got Puttanesca and Affogato last night. They are no good together, right? Such an absurd dinner it was. Yeah I know that. But pasta and coffee are those taking me closer to you and I really, really wanted to be with you so I didn't mind the absurdity of the peculiar smell combination of Puttanesca and Affogato. Anyway, I like ice cream. I should have got two scoops of vanilla ice cream for my Affogato last night.  
Do you miss me? Because I miss you so much. 

I inhaled a deep breath and exhaled abruptly. Dampness was in the air and I kissed the frigidity. My coffee was no longer hot, for there was no steam coming from my cup. The computer screen turned pitch black, for I haven't used the computer for more than fifteen minutes. Just staring at the screen and noticing London skyline opaquely reflected on it, I could not even get up to turn the room heater on. No new mails, no new text messages. Goddamnit! She made me so frustrated. Didn't she realize how much I've been missing her? 

And my phone rang. And I saw her name. 

"Hello?" 

There was silence. 

"Hello?" 
"Ravel, is that you?" 

Her voice never changed. It was sweet and soft as a nightingale singing a nocturne. 

"Bella?" 
"Ravel, what happened? You did call me fifteen times, didn't you?" 

She mentioned no other name but mine. Ravel. I heard her calling my name clearly. 

"Bella, I miss you" 
"Oh, Ravel. I miss you, too. Please come back home" 

Then I burst into tears. I got a bunch of shits in my mind that I really wanted her to know but I ended up uttering cold and flat words--shits everyone can say. 

"I love you and I miss you. C'est tout

That was what I said to her, then she burst into tears. 


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