That's a lie

You're a liar. You're the best liar I've ever met. No one can tell lies as perfect as you do. I've been lied all these time, yet I still love you. I don't know what have you done to me but I still love you. I can hate you but I decide to love you. I realize that I've been in love with a liar. And guess what? I'm still in love with you, the best liar I've ever met. 

I saw you for the first time that spring. You were enjoying your ice cream while seeing blooming cup flowers. I was riding my bike and I lost control so I hit you. We both were hurt. I fell on the bushes and you dropped your ice cream. I thought you'd be mad at me but you didn't. You helped me out of the bushes. Your knee was wounded and I knew you really felt hurt but you told me that you were fine; you cleaned my wound instead, wiping the blood using your purple handkerchief. I told you I'd take you to nearby clinic but you insisted to stay and kept saying that you were fine. 

That's a lie. Blood kept coming out of your wound. 

One morning I woke up late and rushed to school. I was so careless so I slipped and fell down the stairs. Nobody was there to help me and I injured my ankle. I could barely get up. Suddenly you came and saw me. You helped me get up and bring me to school clinic but I insisted on coming to the class so we both walked very slowly to the class. We came late to the class and our teacher punished us for coming late. I felt so sorry for making you get punished but you said you were fine. 

That's a lie. I made you get punished for the first time. 

After the graduation, I decided to move to Tokyo. I studied engineering in Todai and I was very proud of it. One day I was walking home and I saw you sitting alone at the park. You looked very happy when I came to you. I asked you why you were still here in Japan. I had heard that you were moving to Canada. You smiled and told me that you decided to stay in Japan to study law at Todai. You said you wanted to study law so bad. 

That's a lie. I know music was your real passion. 

That Christmas night you texted me to come over. You had a small Christmas party at your flat and you invited some friends. As the party ended, you asked me to stay because it was raining outside. I told you I brought my umbrella but you insisted on asking me to stay over. You told me the rain can make me sick. Else, you said you didn't feel well so you personally asked me to take care of you for one night. I gave up and stayed over, only to have a chat over coffee and biscuits. You told me you felt very happy and you liked Tokyo so much. 

That's a lie. You've been sad and lonely. 

We had our fiftieth date that spring night. We went to nearby coffee shop and had a relaxing chat. You told me your job application was accepted and I congratulated you for that. I thought you applied for law jobs but you told me that you'd work as cafe singer. You said you felt happy to have such job. 

That's a lie. You wanted to be a concert violinist, not a cafe singer. 

I proposed you that night under the moonlight. I knew my job was not a great job and my salary was average. I knew I still cannot afford you a piano but I promised I'd work hard so I can buy you one. I could only rent a humble flat for that time. I thought you would refuse me but you accepted the proposal and kissed me. Happy tears flowed from our eyes. You said you'd be happy to live with me. 

That's a lie. I know it was not easy for you to sleep on futon.

I was very busy working and often times I came home late. You had to take care of little Tamaki by yourself. I knew you were very tired but I told you that I'd do my best to make more money for us. When little Tamaki cried at night, you'd wake up to console her. When I told you to sleep while I consoled little Tamaki, you refused and insisted on consoling her. "Tappei, you got to sleep. You've been working hard," you said, "I'm fine. I'm really fine"

That's a lie. You were tired so bad. 

You and Tamaki were involved in a traffic accident. You two were crossing the street when that bastard forgot to stop his car. He hit you two and you two were badly injured. I rushed to the hospital to see your condition. I thanked God you two could be saved. You finally opened your eyes and Tamaki opened hers an hour after. I worried about you two and cried--I was afraid of losing you two. You wiped my tears and told me that you were fine and there was nothing to worry. 

That's a lie. Yuuko, you were badly injured. 

On that summer day, Tamaki called me from home that you went unconscious. I rushed to home from my office. You were still unconscious when I came home. Tamaki was sitting next to you while reading her favorite book. I asked her about your condition and she told me that you fainted when you were cooking in the kitchen. Tamaki and I waited for you to open your eyes and finally you opened your eyes for us. We were so relieved when you got your consciousness back. I told you what happened to you and I told you how much I worried about you but you touched my cheek and told me that you were okay. 

That's a lie. I knew it later from the doctor that you were not fine. 

Tamaki was in the fifth grade when you were hospitalized for the first time in your life. I knew you didn't like the smell of hospital and you didn't like your room. It was not so big and you didn't like to stay on your bed. You told me you wanted to go home but I told you that you can't go home while you were in that condition. You denied it, saying that you were fine. You were perfectly fine. 

That's a lie. You got nosebleeds in every single day. 

You looked paler and paler each day and I hated to see those medical devices around you. You could barely talk to me with that mask equipped. You could only touch my hand and write something on the palm of my hand. You told me you were fine, though you had those things equipped to your body. You were losing your hair but you said that was fine because you'd grow it again. 

That's a lie. You always love your hair and you don't want to lose it. 

On that autumn afternoon, you told me that you didn't want to use the mask anymore. I told you that you would need the mask. You insisted on putting off the mask so I asked doctor Hayato about it. He said that your condition was getting better and to some point, the mask became unnecessary for you. Without that mask, you could talk to me and I could even kiss your lip. Tamaki and I were glad to know that your condition was getting better. You said that you were happy to be able to speak again and promised me that you'd recover soon. You promised me that you'd like to grow old with me. 

But you know, my dear Yuuko, that's a lie. I can never grow old with you.